ATS Acquires Steaming Pile of Crap

An unidentified ATS employee is seen scooping up the remains of failed photo radar vendor Nestor Traffic Systems on Sep 9, 2009

SCOTTSDALE, Ariz. –(BS Wire)–

American Traffic Solutions, Inc. (ATS), the second largest provider of automated ticketing and extortion systems in North America, announced the acquisition of Nestor Traffic Systems, otherwise known as a steaming pile of crap.

ATS acquired what was left of Nestor`s fragile remains and proceeded to forcibly violate the failed company in a cheap hotel room according to company spokesdrone Josh Weiss, who also happened to be a participant in the maltreatment.

“We picked up this cheap whore for a song on the streets of Los Angeles, one of the communities she often flashes,” said Weiss. “We couldn’t resist when we saw how she could work the streets.”

Nestor lived a troubled life, often being abused at the hands of her pimps who took “lavish salaries and bonus packages” while communities contracted with the company suffered.

“We found that Nestor’s pimps believed in a philosophy that was congruent with that of our primary investor, Goldman Sachs,” said James Tuton, CEO of ATS. “Recessions and taxpayer bailouts are no reason to cancel excessive compensation packages.”

As is often the case for victims of abuse, Nestor herself lived a life of crime, surviving primarily by stealing from unsuspecting drivers.