ATS Acquires Steaming Pile of Crap

An unidentified ATS employee is seen scooping up the remains of failed photo radar vendor Nestor Traffic Systems on Sep 9, 2009

An unidentified ATS employee is seen scooping up the remains of failed photo radar vendor Nestor Traffic Systems on Sep 9, 2009

SCOTTSDALE, Ariz. –(BS Wire)–

American Traffic Solutions, Inc. (ATS), the second largest provider of automated ticketing and extortion systems in North America, announced the acquisition of Nestor Traffic Systems, otherwise known as a steaming pile of crap.

ATS acquired what was left of Nestor`s fragile remains and proceeded to forcibly violate the failed company in a cheap hotel room according to company spokesdrone Josh Weiss, who also happened to be a participant in the maltreatment.

“We picked up this cheap whore for a song on the streets of Los Angeles, one of the communities she often flashes,” said Weiss. “We couldn’t resist when we saw how she could work the streets.”

Nestor lived a troubled life, often being abused at the hands of her pimps who took “lavish salaries and bonus packages” while communities contracted with the company suffered.

“We found that Nestor’s pimps believed in a philosophy that was congruent with that of our primary investor, Goldman Sachs,” said James Tuton, CEO of ATS. “Recessions and taxpayer bailouts are no reason to cancel excessive compensation packages.”

As is often the case for victims of abuse, Nestor herself lived a life of crime, surviving primarily by stealing from unsuspecting drivers.

8 Responses to ATS Acquires Steaming Pile of Crap

  1. Will Kay says:

    I wonder if ATS realizes that pimpin’ ain’t easy.

  2. Ernest T. Bass says:

    could have been publishers clearing house with a check for one million !!! and you didnt answer !! wouldnt that just be hilarious !!??

  3. Ouch.

    I’m sure ATS will work so much more efficiently now that they have to integrate a failed company in to their fraudulent business model.

  4. RPr says:

    LOL the photo is top on google news

  5. Curt Gruenich says:

    Would someone please give me the address to the actual site that the ENTIRE freedom and liberty loving population of Az. occupies in defience of this obvious and rapidly growing nationwide movement of oppression by our own government?

  6. Curt Gruenich says:

    I have had three of these “Citations” issued to me by the city of Auburn,Wa.
    in the last four yrs.
    If I got three hundred more I wouldnt pay those miserable and corrupt BASTARDS a single Ruble let alone a flea off\ my dogs balls.
    They can take there little cameras and install them in there bedrooms and record me splaying there wives,vigorously and repeatedly!
    Ill pay that ticket!

  7. […] will no doubt try to spin this to their advantage, citing the aquisition of Nestor. But losing a contract in the Fifth Largest city in America will definately hurt their bottom […]

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