//Ministry of Truth and Advertising//
//Arizona State Government//
Father’s Day: A Valleywide Guide to the Police State
sponsored by Corrections Corporation of America – We Know Fathers™
Mesa is well-known for its climate– perfect for serene and beautiful hiking adventures–, as well as its championship police brutality competitions. The community’s mix of entertaining activities (dancing requires a permit) and friendly (yet suspicious) residents makes visitors want to return again and again… (if you’re not arrested for a crime and held indefinitely.) Mayor doubles as a puppet for land developers and lobbyists (appointments and gloves available in City Hall, call (480) 644-2011).
Scottsdale might be known for having the largest and most prestigious mall in the southwest, but did you know Taser International calls this quaint bedroom community home? Taser Monthly says Scottsdale’s warm, summer nights and all-monkey police force make the “Most Livable City” an ideal nightspot for an electrifying, 100,000 volt adventure! Or, visit the Scottsdale City Kangaroo Court for a good laugh. (by alternate service invitation only, $0-$500).
Phoenix wouldn’t be complete without a tour of the Redflex headquarters just minutes north of the valley. Once a thriving example of surveillance-state technology, the company now offers donkey tours through its United States headquarters. Children’s activities include “My First Ticket,” an interactive game where your special little ones can mail out a real fake ticket! 23751 N 23rd Ave # 150
Phoenix, AZ 85085-1858, (480) 607-0705 (Ask for Shoba)
Pinal County comes through just in time for Father’s Day with Sheriff Babeu’s “Day With Daddy in Detention.” Iris, facial, finger/foot/dental prints, and DNA sequencing are all included in this free introduction to the county jail system. FREE – Funding provided by Homeland Security Grants.
Border Zone checkpoints don’t have to be near a border, so please be compliant and complicit. Docile and harmless unless told where the border is, these agents helpfully find lost items in passing cars and provide general protection to the public in removing hazardous and “inactivated” foods (possession of organic, “raw,” or “bitch punk-ass food” is a capital offense in the Grand Canyon State (SB 1081, Bitch Punk-Ass Food Prohibition of 2011, (R)- Pearce, Mesa.)
Pima County knows how to take force too far. This county executes good fathers with bad warrants. Blood-curling shootings always in season, enough to make an avid fascist sick, for discerning authoritarian psychopaths only (or current office-holders).